God is great all the time 2

These few weeks have been the most 'interesting' weeks of all.
First was the problem of going overseas, then was the attacks here and there i received(not like before there i didnt have) and then the emotional issues i had.
This year started with a weird 'relationship' that ended abruptly before i can even know this person well enough.
And it left me upset and accused, even to a point where i got angry with God and felt that He didnt love me,
and it led on to even more accusations and unhappiness.
Of course like what i told HJ and Sy all the time, 1 week drama .And for this case, its more like a few weeks drama and it was the point which made me turn a lot of my attention to God , prayers, my fellow brothers and sisters, and even to a lot of other things which i thought i didnt treasure previously.
And of course the dramas didnt end.
Soon it was my friend's issue, the backstabbing issue, and so on.
The only time i felt happy then was on Fridays-Sundays,and now it became Thursdays-Sundays, with an additional Tuesday, where I know i did my best at Math class and my teacher likes me.
And all these while, there were so many times that I struggled so badly, and I cry , and get up, fall down, get up fall down consecutively for so many times that I expect to see it every week, but i have been brave (thanks to brethen healing too :)) and i always pray not to see immediate results but to see grace. And these few weeks, God have been showing me grace.
Its another relationship issue, but this time, I dont have any feelings for this person but the other one, and now i ended up with no feelings for both,
but the other one, who has been faithfully coaching me and bringing me some joy still has.
And I feel really really horrible to know that there is this person who is so nice , but i have no heart to accept .
Other than that, I gave him the wrong meaning, esp when he is still recovering frm a past disastrous relationship, and I should help him instead of adding more salt to the wound.
My point of sharing this is not really to show God's grace, it is to say that sometimes you might think that having something is great, but actually it isnt.
Especially for someone like me who don't enjoy being like by someone who I dont.
And although I spoke to Hj last night about this,
I cant help feeling sorry and terrible and I kept thinking of ways and means to make him feel better,
even to the extent of pretending I really did like this person , next give excuses of not being with him because I have decided to turn lesbian or something.
But when i thought through about it, I felt that I would be making him feel ten times worse in the future.
So i decided to be true to myself, and maintain a distance from him.
And this is another thing which disturbs me, because I have to see him once every week and its so annoying. I wish his feelings for me will go away immediately ..
I know its so ungrateful of me to feel this way but I am glad that God made me in such a way that I am not that sort of girl who enjoys attention frm EVERY MEN(other than tiko pek of course), and i know what i want and what type of man i will love.
This entry is so embarassing but i cant help it .
I have to tell everyone because its bothering me and i dont want to bottle it up.
So why is this entry sequel 2 of God is great all the time?
Its because, this entry kinda reminds me of that entry when i was upset because of Eddie , its the same type of thing, but different feeling, but nonetheless, it reminded me of how much God has done for me all these while, and another thing is:
Jiajun is on leave for one WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(HJ and SY are u reading this??)
So I have one week to sort out my thoughts and pray, and when hes back, I can handle any of his emotional crap again, if he has any?
And when hes back, another few days it would be SOAP RETURNING!!!
and den a series of wonderful events waiting up.
God really never short change me, and now, i believe my problems are definately temporary and He will guide me in other more serious matters like my career and so on.
So i guess one day, i will definately rely only on prayers...
And those reading, do pray for Soap being able to fly back to sg on time for our HK trip..
To TUESDAYS, FRIDAYS, AND SUNDAYS. :)