God's love spectacles :)

This blog will be different from now on.
It has always been a ranting ground, where i talk about all my unhappiness and of course a place where i also give thanks and testify.
But its no longer going to be like this.
From now on, I am going to treat my DT-distorted thinking, or MD-Mind disorders like the way Sophia did.
She blog about food to start loving food,
I will blog about my alone time with God,
and start enjoying and getting used to being alone at times.
But like what HJ said,
GOD NEVER & NEVER WILL SHORT CHANGE ME,
This is a short period which will make me learn many things and of course ultimately become closer to God.
And like what i said, its SHORT/TEMPORARY/FOR A PERIOD.
I dont believe God will let me feel lonely forever.
I dont believe that God will let me feel terrible for no reason.
I dont believe this problem will be here forever.
I guess all this while, its no use testifying but not taking a good enough step to overcome the problem,
all i do is testify my changes, but i dont actually make full use of prayers the right way.
In the sense i pray, but i dont ask for solutions and make a huge effort in getting rid of the spiritual problems .
cos if i tried harder to pay attention to good details instead of the bad ones, such a sensitive person like me should have heard those voices from God.
And after receiving this conviction after talking to Rachel,
after putting on this God's Love Spectacles,
I also realize that satan is really the master of deception.
Although i blog everyday and talk about God's grace and all,
but it made me feel that I am leading 2 lives, one is a Holy life, and my 2nd life-while behind my every entry, I don't actually mean it and that my life is actually as bad as previously.And also one day my blog will be very negative, because It will come to one day when 'I cannot lie to myself anymore.'
But no.
I did not lie to anyone.
It wasnt me who blogged.simply speaking.
It is the Holy spirit.
And even if i lied and forced out those 'positive thoughts',
is it really positive thoughts?
If i am worldly, how do i deem what is positive and what isnt?
Aand why no matter how unhappy I am, i still look fwd to Friday, talking to HJ,SY, SOAP and seeing my cell group people?
And why after hearing some quotes from the bible etc, i immediately feel ok?
So theres no more denies that I have already trusted God, and am his sheep.
So now, I am getting SICK of satan's plans,
and instead of always blogging and trying to see God's grace in my problem, and later affirming myself and the world that I am blessed,
probably I should just really take practical action in enjoying my alone time with Him.
I might not understand and enjoy free time which is given by God,
But at least i try to like it and most imptly SEE IT AS A BLESSING,
and initially it might be terrible, but as long as I know roughly the purpose is enough.
And its a beginning.
Even if it doesnt work out,
I know God will not let me down and pave a way for me, maybe this is the end of my suffering in this area.
For now, I can blessedly say that I have no problems in other areas,
in the sense that there are no major problems,
and I can give thanks.
From now onwards, I will blog about my alone activity with God, and take photos .
With or without men beside me , I will understand and Show people that blissful solitude is much better than a 'date' with people who cant understand me spiritually.
Also, I realized a funny thing , when i receive this conviction,
I suddenly felt that being alone isn't such a scary matter anymore.
To put it in worldy ways, I can say that I bo bian=No choice,
TO put it in Godly ways, I will say that I GOT CHOICE, thats why i choose to enjoy my blissful solitude with him.
When i am with men, I dont have time to give thanks, I dont have time to see his grace.
I just enjoy and dont enjoy my time with my friend, its weird feeling.
But when I am down and out, and when i am so desperate to relieve my sorrow,
I become ultra sensitive to God and it's doings.
So i guess my annoying sensitivity and eccentric personality is to be made used of.
Today is the start of the end of my struggle in this area.
I dont even understand why i am unhappy over this issue after writing this entry. LOL.
Also, i saw these bible quotes under my wall paper app, and i think it fits me perfectly.
'And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.' Phil 4:7
'I am torn between the two, I desire to depart and be with Christ which is far better.'Phil 1: 23
Both in Phil. Lol. Phil is Philipians right? HAHAHAHA.
So look fwd to my next entry which will showcase my battle with it.
And honestly, I am not that strong so pray for me!
To days with no desire to rely on men.