It Sent back to hell

I was really feeling ok yesterday. Especially after the beautiful sunday afternoon post.
I took a train and bus home, and felt ok, in fact very ok.
Cos it reminded me much of how life was before i decided to get baptized in April, which made it very angry and decided to torture me.
With he, friends, and so on.
And when i got home, after disturbing the furry four legged animal, I decided to blog while waiting for my sister and after that, she decided not to go out with me as the weather was very bad.
I felt terrible.
Just because she didn't want to go out.
Can you imagine how disturbed my spirit is?
Such a slight thing that can cause me so much irritation.
I got angry and told my sister not to ask me out again.
And even said i am going to go out on my own now.
I think this is like a snowball thing.
Everytime i get 'let down' last minute, i'd feel like this.
So after that i went online to check for colleges which are can study at, as i'm planning to study now, (pray for me!) I went to look at his website again. He is a fan of lomography and he takes photos and post them on a site. But i dont think its very good.
And i saw photos of his gf.
Its just 1 or 2 out of so many photos, but i got very angry,
i msg-ed him and made excuses to get back my book frm him.
I made him come at the time i wanted.
He kept saying he can't, but i FORCED and DEMANDED him to be here.
And he stupidly drove frm his house down to my house downstairs, and when he reached downstairs, i made him come up, and i told him i had cramps(which i really had) and got him to leave it at my door step. without seeing his fugly face.
After that he smsed me, and said stuff which made me angry and hurt,
and we quarrelled.
During the quarrell, we let out a lot of emotions.
I was surprised that he seem to still felt something for me,
considered me as 'something',
and he felt bad.
He argued with me, but through the quarrell, he was giving in to me.
I felt super relieved after the quarrell.
But this does not prevent me frm thinking he SUCKS, and he deserve to be in hell with satan.
I'm sorry i am so morbid.
Anw, i got back at him.
He is really a STUPID GUY, with no brains.
Can't believe he really did all these.
I should have tortured him further.
I should have told him that i am coming down, make him wait 1 hr plus, den eventually said i am not coming down.
And i regretted not shooting him big time.
He is an asshole, i regretted knowing him, he is from satan, he is satan's god son and satan's pet.
I HATE HIM LIKE HELL , and i want to torture him.
sorry that is just the real me.
And after that, i felt bad i called Huijun, she was there for me, everything she said it took me awhile to take it in, but some of them were like plasters on my wound.
Its really difficult for such an obsessive personality like mine to heal.
Its really difficult to let myself be like god when i have such evil streaks in me.
I know i shouldn't condemn myself, but i still want to let you guys know how much satan has tortured me, and how much has god healed me.
I want to let all those other christians out there know : ALWAYS BE CAREFUL AND STAY CLOSE TO GOD. YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN SATAN CAN PULL YOUR BACK LEG.

SATAN=DIRTY LIAR just like him, EDDIE TAN.

This will be last post on him, hopefully.
I can't wait to send him back to hell,
and his gf will definately cheat on him.
Cos i rem this phrase in the bible that says that.

Also, i am really touched by the comments you guys wrote for me. Huijun,Wengang, Sophia, Huizhen, thank you guys. I felt very touched and happy to read your comments. This blog thing, its really created for me. I hope my posts touched many and helped many. It makes me feel better knowing that my pain at least have some use for some pple . I guess thats how god is using me.
I feel very tired, spiritually, mentally and physically HONESTLY,
I am still a woman and a human being,
I feel very tired..
So tired i felt like taking a week off and sleep and nua around everyday,
but i know if i dont go to work, i would be fully consumed by it,
and i am so so afraid of god ignoring me .
I hope god testing would come to a halt for awhile.
God haven't i proven to you that i can?
I really dont know what to say for now.
Just hope things really get much better soon.
TO MORE PEACEFUL DAYS..............................


P.S i was able to exchange the book at kinokuniya for other items! YAY!