This is the first time I am blogging in this spiritual blog instead of the other worldy blog at work.
I am more fortunate than others because I can blog and slack anytime I want to.
I have so much to say.
Last two nights i have been receiving lots of attacks from satan.
I really wanted to call shiya and huijun to tell them about the miracle i experienced in the previous post, and also talk to them but both of them were busy.
I felt quite lonely but I do recall HJ telling me that maybe god wants me to turn to him instead.
Hence i calmed down and went to exercise, and HJ replied me and told me to call her tmr instead :)
I felt better and went to exercise, den watched some shows before i sleep.
And of course, i spent some time thinking of my friend-which made me a little annoyed.
I know its not because of him that i feel this way.
Its because of satan.
I went to work, argued with mum and the rest of the day i couldnt really see god's grace, I went to my friend's house for a gathering, i felt that i have drifted away frm them, even my christian friend, and i went home feeling intensely sorrowful. Was walking frm her house to the bus stop , when I felt so tired physically and mentally that i wanted to sit down at her void deck to sleep and dont care about anything. But i forced myself to take a bus home and when i got home i bathed immediately and called HJ.
I was very happy to talk to her.
She reminded me that all these are for a reason, a tipping point.
I have always been tortured by these issues:
1.No one reply my sms.
2.No one sms me every morning.
3.No one sms me when i sleep.
4.I dont get asked out everyday.
5.My friends have 'no time for me'.
6.When i am bored i have to 'beg pple to go out'.
and so on.
I realize satan LOVES to attack me in these areas.
BUT NO LONGER.
Because if i let him continue to attack me in these areas,
I'd eventually leave church one day.
Or i'd have unstable grace like what HJ said.
when i look back at my old posts and think about my previous days before i started going to church regularly,
its not that different.
I still have issues with my friends and etc.
But why did i feel so miserable only now?
Its undoubtedly satan, and definately because i have changed , and I expect more frm god.
But i wont be cheated this time.
I do realize its the same shit all these time, just that its from different people, maybe from my close friends, maybe from a crush. But its all the same shit. All from satan.
And i'll lead my life the same way i did when i felt very contented with god last year.
I mean if you talk about this in a logical way even, its like I have even more friends than last year, and my old friends, although i am not so close with them now, but its not like we have been like SUPER SUPER close and i am able to share my problems with them all these time.
Its always the same.
I should be glad that they are still my friends although i said and did so much things which might have hurt them.
And after so long, although I am constantly unhappy with them, they are still my friends, when i need some sonsolation, they will somehow provide me with the consoles that i need.
I have probably been blaming them when i am lonely, hence its not fair to them, and thats probably why I have been having problems with them.
Satan is really an expert.
Next time when i start to have hints of loneliness again,
I WILL TURN TO GOD.
Satan are you scared now?
My problems will be gone soon.
And although on the outside I might seem to be the sort without many things,
but i will be strong in spirit.
Satan will return back to hell to burn.