This will be a long post.
I felt compelled to blog,
felt very much needing to tell everyone that I've been ok,
These 2 days have been ok.
I went out with a good friend yesterday, went to celebrate my other friend's bday and came home at 1230 am again.
I cannot say its good, till the day I can rely entirely on God.
Although things have been ok,
I can't feel happy cos I know its not because of Knowing i have God itself,
I am ok because my friends all replied me and there were even invitations.
I found myself wishing i had no invitations .
I do realize the differences with having god and without him.
1.Whenever there is a sudden problem, I pray to him and he answers me almost immediately, I can instant relieve sometimes.
w/ him, i think about why it happened, and use worldly ways and seek worldly pple for help, and i get rejected by them sometimes, fear of them looking down on me , ignoring me etc.
2.when i feel sad, i look to only HJ and SY, and i dont even bother looking for other pple.
I've been praying 3 times daily now, to protect my heart, mind and spirit in the morning, afternoon and evening, and all these made me better.
So next time i'd try not to disturb HJ and SY, and keep this 3 prayers everyday. Unless i have something 'constructive' den i'd ask them.
3.When i have a prob, i know deep down its frm God if it makes me grow. But if it tortures me and makes me want to turn away frm God obviously its frm S. And when i recognize its from God, i feel 'divine discontentment.' Its a weird feeling but its better than frm S obviously.
4.God speaks to me every morning in the shower. I feel more peaceful after every bath.
5.If i dont go to church every friday and sunday, I'd feel terrible. Its like a day without eating carbo, that sort of feeling. I feel lifeless and sad.
6.Thurs, fri, sat and sun morning i feel happy. Cos its all nearer to friday.
Off peak hour, same as Kbox, sun night -thur afternoon i feel more down.
7.I ALWAYS feel happy after church on friday. VERY VERY happy in fact.
8.I always feel better after seeing my church friends, esp HJ and SY.Upon looking at them,honestly.
9.I feel like crying when i think about him seeking me all this while.
10.I always felt this tingling sensation when i hear god's msg, sing godly songs or even enter a church, esp my previous church.
11.I find my struggles linked to God sometimes.
12. When he sent me home and told me sweet things, i dont even feel as happy as after going to church.
13.I always feel that God has a soft spot for me. bhb haha.
14.I always feel that something is missing even when everything is going well.
15.I seek truths that are always different from people.
16.I always feel uncomfortable with going to temples .
17.I feel happy immediately when i hear God's word. Pastor told me that before, and i was amazed and enlightened cos i only realize it now lol.
18.I always felt that there is a place that i can seek peace.Not even from my family.
19.I experienced a lot of miracles from god, and its inexplicable, and i dont even tell anyone other that christians .
20.Although i experience pain even when i am christian, i cannot help but want to seek comfort from hearing God's word and voice in the church.
I definately feel the difference when i am christian and when i was non christian.
I know only you all would understand.
Hence, i've concluded that :
1.With or without god, i would definately have problems, just that with our loving God, it'd seem so much less morbid and it'd end quickier. Also, there is always a place we can find peace, whether physically or mentally.
2.God just wants us to grow without letting us get tortured like non christians. No matter how bad, it just feels better deep down knowing its from him. Maybe we have additional pain -DOUBT, due to the fact that we do not know why he give us this problem, and when it'd go away/would it go away.
3.He needs to find something to grab our attention. Esp for someone like me-sas(short attention span, I write this cos next time i can use short form for this and u all would know what is this.) . well, he grabbed mine and he made me want to seek him every week,frm fri -sun to mon-sun and 3 times daily some more, like from flab to fab. And i ended up feeling more blessed.
4.He gives me the protection even till the extend of letting me see through a guy before anything bad happens.
5.These problems are temporary, and its for my own good.
6.When i am ok, i really dont like to llook for God , but when i am down then i would have to look for God, and thats his best chance to talk to me. :)
7.S comes, every day 24 hr like 7-11. So it'd be good for many to keep praying , until it lessens,den can pray less but must keep regular basic prayer still definately.
8.My prayers are answered almost immedaitely.
9.without god, i can imagine how bleak my life would be.
10. Don't worry about god not giving you friends, love, family etc. He'd. Just need time. Keep holding onto his word and fight the battle bravely.
Think thats all for today. Will blog again soon.
Hope you guys had some blessings/answers/convictions after reading my entries.
Love you all.
Night! I'm gonna make earrings exercise and watch simpsons den sleep.
Blessings be with you.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
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This is an awesome post...Literally, I had goosebumps all over my arms reading this. I'm glad you made this revelation...that you are destined to be God's child, that you were BORN as a lover of God, and that you cannot but stay close to God at all times.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a precious being, Jing wen!! Never forget that, and don't rely on others to make you feel needed and loved.
Go tweety!