look ahead

I dont know what to do to get myself to think positively,
I cant just think positively immediately.
But I try to look ahead and understand myself.
School isnt so bad.
I guess it came at the right time as I will go to class.
There is this unhappiness with everything.
But I will do something practical.
Sometimes i dont know if God is there.
Cos I seem to be handling everything on my own .
And i seldom hear his voice.
During this period,
I see how vulnerble i am,
and how much one can lie to themselves when things are terrible.
But i will look ahead anyway.
Because i have no choice.
God always say theres a purpose for everything.
I guess his purpose is not revealed to me yet.
I wonder why I am different?
I hate to get affected over such issues.
And hate it when i get accusations.
I can only pray and pray.
I find myself looking at the smallest things and try to be happy about it.
1.Like the fact that I have my own room,
2.Like the freedom i get at work,
3.Like it that Eric have been there for me,
4.Like it that HJ have been there for me,
5.Like it that I have an excuse to drink ppc these days,
6.Like it that I a nice mum who makes nice breakfast for me these days,
7.Like it that my dog actually secretly likes me better, I just treat her a bit better and she'd become very attached to me again
8.Like it that i own a super adorable pup :)
9.Like it that I have nice hair today
10.Like it that I get to go out during work time and run errands for uncle
11.Like it that I am born in a good family, with many who dote on me
12.Like it that no matter how terrible my personality is, somehow one or two people will be there
13Like it when how bad things are, i will definately be able to see a silver lining
14.Like it when bad things happen, good things will happen to balance out
15.Like it that things are moving, and i move on quite quickly relatively
16. and so on.

So i guess since i have so many good things, like what HJ mentioned before, worldly or spiritually, I have to look ahead and move on.