what would god do? Kill my enemies the moment i forgive them.

I have been waiting for this 'conviction' and 'compellation' to blog.
Is there such word ?
But anyway, I really enjoyed my these few days activities.
Although I feel like i shouldnt focus on these.
I shouldn't focus because its like opening an area up to satan to attack.
Something like that.
Whether good or bad, I try to feel normal.
Sooner or later I'll find that balance.
And yesterday i found that balance.
I went to work, the whole day i suddenly had thoughts of Et,
all sorts,
but it wasn't like the ones i had previously.
God protected my mind. :)
And after a boring day at work, I went to meet Rachel after work for my birthday,
and i felt so blessed and happy that when i saw her, i didnt know what to tell her.
So i told her like very slowly in between the birthday meal :)
I am a happy girl :)
Comparing myself and then, even i am kinda shocked at the difference in me.
And I am happy that all these while, God gave me Sophia,Rachel and Huijun and a fun cell group which makes every friday a good day. :)
Anw, after cell group, i went to meet sf,
and i was very shocked when he told me this about that insurance friend which i told you all about during sharing. Like one of those friends whom i felt was very influential and because of her, i felt that i drifted apart from my group of friends.
I always thought Sf is close to them, and i see them as a group of friends which I would be at the bottom of my friend list although I still feel close to Yao and him.
He told me that he couldn't take her bad character anymore.
He said he is sick of her talking about everyone, including me,
and he wanted to be truthful as he see himself drifting away from her/them.
So he told me what they talked about me,
and it was all like kinda true in some way, but to me, i felt like i didnt owe them any explanation.
I can be as self centered as i want.
And the only person i need to account to is God.
And he said that she is not a good friend.
And she put words into people's mouth.
And she has a lot of 'small actions' which he don't like.
And he told me he have been feeling this way a long time ago, but just that he didnt mention .
And he plans to stay away from her/them, which i am planning to also.
Or more like, i've always been staying away.
They really keep talking about people.
I rather be alone, rather be lonely, rather be depressed, rather to have a lot of distorted thinking then to go out with them..HER.
And this verse in the bible suddenly came to my mind.
Something about God will punish the wicked and reward the kind.
She is the 'wicked' .
And i am the 'kind.'
God is my invisible weapon, and i can pray for her failures and setbacks.
On the front, i can be her friend, but deep down, i dislike her.
And i wont be kind to her or try to like her and be nice just like previously because i felt like she is someone whom i might need when i am down.
And also we have been friends for about 10 years,
there are still some friendship.
But when i am down, is she there? NO.
when i wanted to talk to someone, is she there? NO.
Now she is like a money grubber to me, who only wants to be your friend when you have certain benefits.
Even sf agrees.
So i realize God will do the work.
I dont have to do anything sometimes.
Whoever who is bad to me, who tries to take advantage of me, etc
They will be punished.
Its my time to get all the blessings i always wanted.
It might not be soon,
but its on its way.
I am just improving myself for those special blessings and that special someone.
It would be good to see life as a whole rather than only a point of time.
Thats what women are bad at .
No matter what people say about me,
I realize i really dont have to bother.
Because God is Great all the time.
And he'll work on me in his own most wonderful and miraculous ways.
One day, i can totally break off from those people who are from satan and embrace those that are given from god.
:)
To a blessed week!